Fast-food with a side of Ebola...
Today is a reminder of just how far I have come.
Oh, the places I have been and had near mental breakdowns. Let me set the scene for you. I was in peak post partum anxiety at the time. A few years back. My husband came home from an outing with the kids on a Saturday. I greeted them happily as they ran in through the house door. Then I asked where they went to play and that is when it happened. My husband said those horrific words to me. (Imagine the sound of thunder roaring and in slow motion the words came out of his mouth). They went to McDonalds with the play place. I felt a dagger going through my stomach. In my mind it was as if someone rubbed my children with Ebola. All I could think is how on earth could my husband care so little about our children's health and safety. Doesn't he know how disgusting and crawling with germs those places are. This was around the time Ebola was on the news. (Again please read my blog: "Why I do not watch the news") I was positive everyone was fresh off the plane from visiting one of these villages where the virus was running rampant and were going to spread it to me and my family. I would have been happy never leaving my house at the time consumed in fear but of course the other half of my brain told me if you never let you kids leave your house they are going to develop all kinds of mental health issues even if I made up a ton of excuses why we were staying home. I was in a bit of a "pickle" if you will. But my husband tipped the scale in his favor with his highly polar opposite view points. There is no way on earth he would ever buy into my concerns. His reaction to me thinking he exposed our children to the modern age plague by taking them to the play place was simple as could be. He always gives me the exact same line whenever I'm freaking out about something.
"Emily, you are more likely to die driving your car to the grocery store in a car accident than ..............." (In this case you fill in the blanks with situation) you or the kids catching ebola and dying."
I would think about it. I would be annoyed with his response but his reasoning was always sound. So I would still make the kids change their clothing so they didn't spread germs all over the house but I could calm my brain down some about it and move on with the day. I will say anytime the kids sniffled in the next two weeks I would think back to this day.
But he had a point. I told him I don't want him taking the kids there again.
Guess what, he did. Guess what else, nobody got sick. Everybody had fun. I was still grossed out by it. But as the year went on I become more and more aware of the fact that they never got sick any more often from there then anyplace else. I also found more peace with the fact that if the kids are going to get sick there is not a damn thing I can do about it.
So back to today....tonight to be exact. Do you know where I was? I'm going to tell you.
Tonight I was at McDonalds with the place place with my 3 kids. My husband was at a holiday party and not with us. I have been to McDonalds with a playplace now a handful of times in the past year. Today for some reason, maybe because I started blogging, but I really reflected on how much things have changed inside of me. My child dropped her burger bun picked it up off the floor and continued eating it. I'm proud to say (yes, this is what I get proud about) I didn't even blink at it. Life is so much easier when things like that don't stress you out.
A lot of things helped me overcome this but one comes to mind as I write. My oldest really helped break me in to germs when he was a toddler. Primarily because he never listened to me. He would shove popcorn in his mouth off the floor as dirty boots walked by at the Detroit Lions games without even a second thought before anyone could grab it. He would put his hands in his mouth after being in the dirtiest of places. I would literally be holding hand sanitizer wipes in my hand at the yearly barn field trip with his school when the children were petting the donkeys and sheep. I would be ready for him to get his hands before they go into his mouth. So what did he do.....he went up to the donkey's face and laid a big fat kiss on it. What am I going to do clean his mouth.....NO! There was not a thing I could do about it besides not take him on the field trip. So I gave in to the fact that life is going to happen. I can't stop it. I can't prevent it. So Like I have said in many posts before either get busy living or get busy dying. I pick living. I choose living every single time. I would rather live in a world where things go wrong than hide in the house and miss out on so much.
For so many years of my life I let perfect get in the way of good enough. It's funny because if you wait to do something until everything is perfect you will never do it. Today I am happy to say I don't wait for perfect. I am proud that I don't care about perfect. You know what ..... F*ck perfect! If I cared about perfect I would never publish one of these blogs because you know as well as me that there are numerous grammatical errors that I don't catch when proof reading it. Nor would I ever try to make it as a model. I wouldn't want to tell anyone until I was successful at it. Today you all know that is a goal of mine and I am far from perfect at it. I am far from where I want to be. But that is ok. If I waited for perfect I would be too scared to fail to even start. So my advice. Chase those dreams, don't wait for tomorrow, and F*CK perfect!
Thanks for reading!! Until next time!!
#anxiety #mentalhealth #ocd #obsessive #postpartumdepression #postpartumanxiety #neatfreak #fear #scared #germs #germphobia